In my opinion, our present no-fault laws here in Quebec, Canada, had a rather high expectation that divorcing parents of today would actually be more mature and rational than divorcing parties of the past, and be tickled pink to have the option of a dignified and child centred divorce.
Unfortunately, after more than ten years of working with divorcing people, I have sadly seen that most people are still unable to get into the child centered mode without assistance and therefore seem to still go with their emotional need to show fault because of their anger, hurt, pain... which has sometimes led to just a plain old need for revenge against the other.
I have seen so much unreasonable, emotionally charged and immature responses being presented to court documents - effectively blaming the other party for the failure of the marriage or humiliating them by exposing personal behaviors. Honestly, why would any divorcing person need to share with the lawyers and judge information on how often their partner came home drunk and woke their partner to have sex and a blow job?! Would it really convince a judge that a parent is unfit for shared custody by writing about the fact that they do not always shower and use deodorant on a daily basis? Clients have actually shown me these things written in court papers - and I wonder... why did the lawyers not tell their client that these sorts of comments are not necessary to bring to court?? Then, of course, I'm not complaining here because I like to have clients to work with, but I have to work with the client to get out of what is still a 'fault finding' mode and just deal with their emotional divorce, educating them on how to collaborate with their soon-to-be-Ex for the sake of their children... and themselves.
I don't know if I'm way off here, but it seems logical to me that if parents are still fighting with their child's other parent, trying to prove how disgusting they are for whatever imperfect behaviors have been witnessed in the privacy of the family home on paper, in legal documents, to battle for sole custody or less time for the other parent, this just doesn't seem like no-fault divorce to me.
I hope I'm not stepping on any toes here, but my dream is that more family law clients who are in an emotional state that clearly needs or wants to include such personal remarks into legal documents for a no-fault divorce will be encouraged to get some therapy or therapeutic coaching.. and I hope that their lawyer will direct them to such a service.
Here's the link to the interesting discussion I found on twitter:
Unfortunately, after more than ten years of working with divorcing people, I have sadly seen that most people are still unable to get into the child centered mode without assistance and therefore seem to still go with their emotional need to show fault because of their anger, hurt, pain... which has sometimes led to just a plain old need for revenge against the other.
I have seen so much unreasonable, emotionally charged and immature responses being presented to court documents - effectively blaming the other party for the failure of the marriage or humiliating them by exposing personal behaviors. Honestly, why would any divorcing person need to share with the lawyers and judge information on how often their partner came home drunk and woke their partner to have sex and a blow job?! Would it really convince a judge that a parent is unfit for shared custody by writing about the fact that they do not always shower and use deodorant on a daily basis? Clients have actually shown me these things written in court papers - and I wonder... why did the lawyers not tell their client that these sorts of comments are not necessary to bring to court?? Then, of course, I'm not complaining here because I like to have clients to work with, but I have to work with the client to get out of what is still a 'fault finding' mode and just deal with their emotional divorce, educating them on how to collaborate with their soon-to-be-Ex for the sake of their children... and themselves.
I don't know if I'm way off here, but it seems logical to me that if parents are still fighting with their child's other parent, trying to prove how disgusting they are for whatever imperfect behaviors have been witnessed in the privacy of the family home on paper, in legal documents, to battle for sole custody or less time for the other parent, this just doesn't seem like no-fault divorce to me.
I hope I'm not stepping on any toes here, but my dream is that more family law clients who are in an emotional state that clearly needs or wants to include such personal remarks into legal documents for a no-fault divorce will be encouraged to get some therapy or therapeutic coaching.. and I hope that their lawyer will direct them to such a service.
Here's the link to the interesting discussion I found on twitter:
- Iain Duncan Smith gets it wrong! http://bit.ly/6OIP4p
Here's the link to Divorce Support Plus that offers therapeutic coaching to anyone, anywhere with skype!
- Sharon Shenker helps your whole family! http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca
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